Sultan

Seeing as how music rocks louder than just words...
I leave you with these lyrics by What Made Milwakee Famous
Happy Birthday Other Ashley

I've had less than my fair share of lucky breaks
And enough of this fooling around
I've got one last chance to get rid of my past
And bury it deep in the ground
And no matter what you try man
You're never gonna tear me down
When the only blame you cast is your own
And your only guarantee is your fear of the unknown
If you don't cut your losses before you get lost
They're never going to leave you alone
My best bits of advice I'll repeat only twice
After that you can fend for yourself
If you think that your shoes couldn't find better use
About just about anyone else
You need to face up and fold
Or deal with the hand you're dealt
Make up your mind Are you in are you out
I've no patience for your impetuous doubt
When the only blame you cast is your own
And your only guarantee is your fear of the unknown
If you don't cut your losses before you get lost
They're never going to leave you alone
NoI've had less than my fair share of lucky breaks
And enough of this fooling around
I've got one last chance to get rid of my past
And bury it deep in the ground
Make up your mind
Are you in are you out
You'd be better served as a face in the crowd
You never want the truth to be told
And all your major concerns are out of your control
If you don't pick your feet up to come back around
You get stuck in my way you [???]
When the only blame you cast is your own
And your only guarantee is your fear of the unknown
If you don't cut your losses before you get lost
They're never going to leave you alone
Leave you alone

Guilt

My literature class requires us to break down what we read based on the "elements of fiction". You remember them. Tone, Theme, Character, Setting. Well anyway we were discussing the story by Truman Capote Dazzle. In the story the main character is so torn with guilt that he ends up cutting out his grandmother permantly and doesn't even attend her funeral. After discussing the story my professor takes off his glasses, rubs his eyes a moment, and says "Guilt can cause you to do a lot of things, it can even cause you to cut out those in your life you love most for fear you might hurt them again."
That is how I feel about my friends. I don't call or leave them messages because of guilt. Because of my own actions that I know they disapproved of. How do you explain to your friend "I was stupid and I know I hurt you, but I can't do anything about it" That doesn't offer a resolution and certainly doesn't make them feel any better. The sorrys in my life were often empty. And although I am sorry for many of my actions, I don't believe in saying sorry to make yourself feel better. Sorry is something you say when you geniuinely want to take your actions back.
And I am.
But seriously, life cannot be lived without mistakes. And I've learned so much in the past few months about who matters, who doesn't, and those inbetween. Those you love but don't how to reconcile. Those you admire and cherish, but have other lives. The friends you lost, but somehow a phone call to catch up repairs all the open wounds.
Renee is probably one of the best friends I have ever had. Why? Because dispite time, disagreement, fights, loves, and changes, all we need is a phone call and were right back where we belong. As Friends. Funny. I was telling mychris that I had intrusted Renee with helping me find a tattoo parlor in San Antonio and I said "You know, I trust her with my life."
And I would. Maybe not if we were really wasted... but of course I would be having such a good time I wouldn't care.
Friends are funny characters. But what would we do without them?

The L word.

Most single folks in the world are searching for someone to share their life with. Some of us are naturally selfless and just want to take care of someone. Others are selfish and want someone to take care of them. Either way we don't want to be alone. There are a few rarities that are misers and spinsters that shoot pool with the grinch. But I have found that I, Ashley-Renee Shearman, is in love with love. I want everyone to indulge themselves in someone near to them. Someone who takes their breath away and yet gives them enough room to breathe. I believe it is our natural need to find a mate. 

Yet somewhere in our culture we lost the need to want someone forever. I was reading recently the tales of grandmas and grandpas who have been in love for 50 plus years. I work at the Olive Garden, which for some reason has a larger well aged crowd, and there are so many couples in their 60s or 70s that are still kissing at the table and pinching each others butts. Where did that go? My grandparents themselves have a wonderful love story. They met when my grandfather was in a coma. My grandma was the nurse assigned to him. When he awoke the first thing he asked was "Where's Shirley?" Five kids, almost twenty grandkids, and three great grandchildren later they are still madly in love. 

Why are relationships so hard for us? What is it that causes us to be so dismissive of the people around us? I myself have said "I need to focus on school and I can't have any distractions." But honestly, I think that facebook is more distraction than my Chris is. So perhaps it is an excuse for fear. While in the 1940's and 50's our grandparents didn't worry about getting internships in other states, getting into a great grad school, or looking for their career before marriage. They did it all together. 

We're no longer looking for a companion and instead a label. I've had friends say that they want to be a 'Wife.' They say they want to graduate and then get married and have kids. Where do you fall in love? Where's the romance in doing what you think you're supposed to? I think we need to go back to a time where fate brought everyone together. My grandfather married my grandmother because he knew, KNEW, she was exactly what he wanted. Why would you let that go? Where are you Disney movies full of hopeless romance? Where are you damn Nicolas Sparks novel with your empty promises of sweeping off feet? 

Where has the romance gone? 

Bros.

There are many things, that have plenty of variations, that make a Bro. But the best way to describe them is such.

1. Male College or University student
2. Most likely in a organized group or fraternity
3. Wears one or all of the following. Backward cap, collared button up shirt with sleeves rolled up, shorts, loafers, probably some form of neon (if you go to UT)
4. Has a horrible view of women.
5. He will not have his own personality. If you take him and three or four others around him, they all have the same interests in factors such as film, TV, music, girls, activities, and possibly have the same speech.
6. He parties every weekend all weekend and starts on Thursday. But pshh I do this too!
7. Probably majoring in something mundane. Bros are never usually engineering or business majors. Look for Physical Education, Kinesology, any backward form of getting to be involved in the sports they can no longer play because they're still stuck in high school.

Now I know several guys that could fit into this category but are still decent people. Awesome. Maybe after college they'll grow enough confidence to be original.

But hey, I'm just an Art student. It's not like MY opinion matters. :)

New.

So I have had many outlets for thinking. Some have been through drawing or dance, singing or theater. But since I am at a crossroads for what I am doing with my life, I have chosen writing as my way to dump all of my emotions. Or maybe sometimes I'll do some creative writing. It's whatever comes off the keyboard.

But here's my story:
A year ago I had the plan to apply to the Savanna College of Art and Design. I was going be a graphic designer and major in Advertising Design. I wanted to change the world through advertising. Did anyone else notice how many product(red) shirts were floating around a year back? Americans feed off of materialism and this company marketed it the right way to actually do some positive good. Ever since I was little I fed off of Captian Planet and recycling and change. I'm a liberal who wants to change the world around me. Well it turns out that yes, I did get into SCAD. I found a dorm and a move out date.
But I never found financial aid.
So here I am in Austin, Texas waiting for an absolution. Am I going to go to a good school? Am I stuck at ACC for eternity? No. I learned in my tumultuous start to my summer that I control everything in my life. But I am deciding. My parents would prefer I not move across the country. Or the state. So my options lie in the multitude of colleges on my door step. UT, Texas State, St. Edwards, Southwestern, AI Austin. Goodness. Maybe I'll apply to all of them. The romantic in me still wishes I could go to SCAD. The historic buildings, the artisitic atmosphere, the lack of bros... Bros are for another day. I loathe them. The term was stolen from my Chris. To be P.C. Chris is my boyfriend, but I prefer just to call him my Chris.
So for now I'm using this semester to figure it out. What do I want to major in? Advertising Design was really specialized to SCAD. But maybe advertising wasn't my future? Perhaps it could be English or Education?
At the end of the day I just want to make a difference, and change people.

WOO OBAMA!