Medium Raw

So I'm reading Anthony Bourdain's book/memoir/cautionary tale Medium Raw. I am a firm believer in foul language, bad choices, and living life to its fullest. His book was making me want to write. Especially with his conversational form of writing I noticed myself having conversations with myself inside my head.

Right now I have no idea where my life will be in a month. I'm at such a crossroads and I can't figure out what to do. Can't live on my own, can't move home. I'm in life limbo with the Swank's looking forward to a consistent paycheck and being out of debt. At 22 I'm single and kind of dissatisfied with the terrible choices I've made in the past. I was never a drug user or an alcoholic. The one thing I abused was my bank account and maybe my love for entertaining. I have tattoos, both have a story and purpose. I have a nose ring, something rather insignificant in my world of musicians and artists. I'm not particularly careless... except with my loud mouth and need to say things that don't need to be said. I use boys as an excuse to be heartbroken, although every guy I break up with ends up with someone more well rounded and less crazy than me.

I need a purpose and stability. I'm a thinker and a creative soul, but I'm out of ideas at this point. I'm one phone call away from either moving in with mom or dad... Austin or San Antonio...

I need some guidance. Some parenting I missed out on...

I guess I'm trying to figure out what is wrong with me that I haven't found a certain level of contentment yet. Maybe I'm over analyzing- AGAIN!
Maybe I'll feel better after the phone call.