Austin

So I'm back in Austin. I moved back expecting things to be just like they were last summer, but they aren't. Change is inevitable. I've had a lot of negative going on, and I want so much for more positive to come my direction. I want to be a smiling light in people's lives instead of a negative nancy or drama queen. I felt like cutting out everyone would help me start over. To cut out those who have brought negative energy and emotions.
I want to dance again.
I want to draw.
I want to sing in my car, driving down 360, crying because I love my life.

I do love my life but I've realized I really miss being in love. I have loved because the men in my life are truly amazing people, irreplaceable and always humorous. Yet there was a ghost in my past who made a casual appearance... and it tore open old wounds. I'm in love with a ghost. I'm in love with the idea of what we had together, fated souls and wishes of forever.

I've just turned 22 and I've noticed I want something different for myself than what I've been doing. Going out often and drinking too much. Rumors and drama, roommates, friends, and coworkers as victims. I want a positive world again. One of art and dance, music and tie dye. One of a full savings account and achievable goals. Perhaps a man to make a future with. Someone who will help me choose a dog for my graduation and help me be an adult.

I want an adult life, not one of parties and flings, mistakes and rendez-vous. I need consistency, love, accountability and perserverence.

Here goes everything- Goodbye adolescence.