Things I am worried about...

Okay so here is my list of things I need to handle.

Tickets- I have two and I have to pay for both by the 30th. They total 356$

School (future)- I got into both UTSA and Texas State, but one of my biggest fears is that I am settling for an education I am not passionate about. Texas State isn't that great of a school and UTSA is in not that great of a town. I am just not enthused about San Antonio.

School (now)- I am considering the fact that I am not sure about my grades and my photography courses are going to F*up my gpa. Do I drop and waste my money? Or do I continue and risk my gpa falling too low.

Friends- I have people I can call and talk to. But I feel like I don't have a niche anymore. I don't feel like I truly relate to any of my friends. We are all constantly changing and the expectations are so inconsistent. I worry about some. I miss others. I wish things had or hadn't happened between some of my male friends I miss so much.

Moving- Where will I live next year? Should I flip a coin and let fate decide? Or am I really the decisive factor...

I love the feeling of really caring for someone even though they're only a ghost of a memory. 

Alright. As much as I love my life when it's rolling along and I'm going to class and doing my thing... I hate when it pauses. 

Thanksgiving break has been very typical. I sit around, hang out with my family, and eat pie. And Normally during break you celebrate the fact that all of your friends are in town and you get together right? Well no surprise here, every single one of the people I attempted to make plans with has flaked out on me. I even expect that tomorrow I will have a shortened time with Naomi. Maybe getting a meal in with her before I have to go to work. While I don't miss high school so much, I miss how much the friendships mattered. How important my twin dates were, how important watching I love the 70's was with Renee. The endless trips to Krispie Kreme... 

I don't have that anymore. I don't have a group of friends. I have one here in Austin. Nicole. She's amazing and I love her, but I wish I had that group dynamic. I want to be able to have my own place again and have wine wednesdays. I want to have people just hang out. But my life right now doesn't cater to that. I'm too busy. And I honestly don't have anyone that would show up if I did invite them over. 

But this is what happens when I pause. When I'm not fully busy filling my day, I'm dwelling on what if's and why not's. So on Monday school starts up again and I wont be so discouraged wishing I had something I'm missing. 

I think what I'm really missing is my best friend. But you tend to take a hint when someone quits returning your phone calls. 

Change! It jingles.

Things have been rolling right along for me. I am so excited about how my life is just constantly changing and I love every minute of it. I am quitting Olive Garden. As great of an opportunity as it sounded I just can't see staying at 7.25 an hour and hating some of my fellow hostesses. Instead I am going to be paid 16 an hour to work with awesome children. I also just joined an independent winter guard. I can't wait to get back to performing again! I love it. Things are working out so well for me and I am so excited!!

Photography

I am sooooo in love with this photograph.

And since no one reads my blog. I think its safe here. 

Anyway I have been on a photographic high lately. 

I can't wait to take more. 

Recession

So it's not hard to quit buying in excess and supporting the American affluent lifestyle. I have found that vowing not to eat fast food daily and refusing to shop at Target are easy starts. I recently read an article where the writer asked rappers to quit wearing bling and start conserving like the rest of the American public. My family has put a hold on renovations, I have decided not to repair my car. But what has the government asked of us? Nothing. Do they ask us to take the bus? No. Do they want us to buy organic so we don't have growth hormones from the cheap meat in the McDonalds we eat? No. When 9-11 happened they asked us to go shopping. 

It's what we do best!

Well I voted for Obama the other day. 

I hope he asks more of Americans than our past presidents have.  I know I'm willing to do more. 

But then again I'm a born Austinite. I've recycled since elementary school. I'm taking Environmental Science. I believe in sustainability. 

But that's just me.  How will you change the world?

Goals

This semester has been quite the journey for me. Well I guess it started toward the end of summer right before classes started. I'm still disappointed I'm not going to SCAD. But that doesn't mean I'm not going to get the future I wanted. I can still go to France. I can still study whatever I desire. I'm thinking about going to AI Austin. I'm not sure yet. They seemed kind of pretentious. But what university doesn't come off that way? 

I think that the best things I can do right now are focus on what I'm doing right now. I've always had my head into the future and not doing anything in the present to make that future happen. So I will strive for present happiness, with goals in mind. 

Personal Goals,

Get accepted to and attend a good university that will inspire and offer me what I need

Go to France for 1 year

Buy a historical home to restore

Adopt a dog

Get Organized and stay that way

Save for Repairs on my Car to eventually trade in for a blue green Celica

Receive a profession where I can inspire and create

Save the World.

By the way I voted. In hopes of change and a positive future for my future family. I had a conversation recently where I heard that the only two parts of life were survival and reproduction. I must say that I believe the point of life is to live it, drama filled and happiness fulfilling. 

Now I'm off to carve pumpkins with my two favorite boys. 

They happen to be 5 and 8.